Ever since I can remember, I’ve had a desire – that our kids would know how to behave themselves in a formal setting. Where a necktie isn’t seen as a noose and dress pants have some semblance of a pleat once it’s all over. Where hair bows stay put and MY dress isn’t rumpled beyond recognition once the event is all over.
This isn’t just to make us look good while they’re young (although I wouldn’t mind at all) it’s so much more than that. I want our guys to respond like … our son in law who dresses up for the occasion. BTW we never, ever hear a complaint. {refreshing!} Somewhere in his upbringing, he got the message that it’s not about him. It’s manly to give honor to another by dressing properly, sitting with respect and at least acting like you enjoy being a part.
I think weddings are a great opportunity to raise this standard - as long as the kids ARE invited. You DON’T want to be one of those families who bring their children uninvited, faux pas! :0 But, if they ARE, it’s a wonderful chance to train them in the finer things in life: like sitting still, not scratching, ‘holding it’, listening, sitting like a ‘lady’, waiting to eat = self control. After a few times, you’ll see, they begin to appreciate the event and respect what’s transpiring.
Be forewarned, this is not an overnight process. Developing a culture of ‘social graces’ in our homes takes resolve and courage as a mother, especially when you have little boys. I’ve found that year after year, they warm up to this social event and gradually begin to act accordingly. The reward of ‘cake’ is a given.
This has worked for us – through the years. I was reminded of this recently when our family attended a friend’s wedding – yes we were ALL invited (I checked). The boys all wore suits without complaint and just knew what to do when they got there – enough said. The only ones I had to work with were the youngest 2 – and it should be that way. They’re young and still learning the ropes.
I’ve never regretted purposing to instill this in our sons and daughters. Trust me, it’s been MY idea. 
Around here, it’s just a way of life. Ever since our oldest was a youngster we’ve said, ‘yes’ to the opportunities and tried to dress the part. Even today, in a social setting, when people stop and marvel at how well dressed our sons are and tell me they’re impressed – I remember that this has come with a price. And I’m so glad I stayed the course.
If you’re struggling with a busy little one that doesn’t want to cooperate in social settings – be encouraged – your labor is not in vain!
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Debi,
You have done an amazing job with your bunch! I remember you brought everyone from Levi up to our wedding. You said it was Levi’s turn to do a big boy event. He was perfect . I still have the letter Hannah wrote me and gave me at my wedding. She had carefully written me a letter and taped three dollars inside. Precious memories to my heart!
Blessings,
Sheri
Oh Sheri,
You are so thoughtful to remember this! Levi is now 19, can you believe that? And he’s such a gentleman – in the early days it took some hard ’sittings’ to teach him the habit of sitting still. He has no memory of this, I’m sure – but I do!
Bless you!
This is something I hope to teach our kids as well as you taught us! I love that this is important to Jeremy, I know he is rare find in that way! Lots of fun memories from the “dress up” events we attended, although I don’t have any memory of all the trouble I’m sure I gave you at those events! =)
I have so many memories of you sitting where you could see and even touch the BRIDE!! No, it was the boys that wiggled and waited for cake.
Thank you for the encouragement; it can feel like an uphill battle sometimes:)
It often is an uphill battle – but it’s not ‘all for naught’ – even though it can be exhausting for mom.
Meanwhile, there’s work to be done. 
I just want to encourage moms with little ones. Someday your kids will be strapping young men and lovely young ladies – and you will breathe a sigh of relief!
Thank you for those encouraging words Debi! The “social graces”are very important to Jimmy and I but I have to admit sometimes I get scared of what might ensue should we take them to a “dress up” event. I’m getting braver though. This past year we took Anna to the Meyerson to see the DSO for Christmas and she did really well… she had “ants in her pants” a few times but we made it through and actually enjoyed it! =)
I know you are so right… it’s the persistence that pays off. If we never take them they will never learn.
Thank you… I needed to hear that! As always your wise words are appreciated!
Debi,
This was so wonderful to read & so encouraging! Thank you for sharing!
~Julie
I love this! I have found that church is the perfect place to practice dressing up with the kids….because so many young people don’t dress for church! My husband still wears slacks & dress shirt, I wear a dress and so does my two-year-old. Love, love, love your blog!
We are going to a wedding tomorrow!!! The emotional part is that my youngest just turned 11 and my oldest is the videograhper (18)!! Wow, their childhood goes by so fast!!! I would have loved to have known this kind of wisdom when I had all four below the age of 7!!! Some of those moments are a blur… Thank you Debi for offering this kind of insight for those who are able to apply this wisdom in their early years of mothering. It’s so rich and important. What a blessing to have understanding of…how to appreciate the toddler years at a formal event, when you have 2 or 3 around your feet, and are trying to eat cake and drink punch!!! (lol)
The only advice I ever heard was, “weddings are not a place for children” and like you, if we were all invited then I always had mine there for the same reason…training. I can say that it has really has paid off.
Thank you for posting this! We have 4 weddings we’re ALL invited to between now and Oct. Generally our kids do pretty well but it has been tricky adding #4 to the mix and having to keep a baby and 2 year old still!
Do you have any tips and tricks? Did yall practice at home before hand?
Your little girls will love lovely and enjoy every moment of the weddings, I’m sure. I used to let the girls {in fact, I still do} sit on the isle where the bride comes down. They’re mesmerized by her dress!!
One thing I’ve done that has helped me, is I take the older ones and leave the smallest when possible. There have been weddings that Tim wasn’t interested in going to. {I know that’s rare for a man}
He would stay home with the ‘baby’ and I would take the ones in ‘training’. This way I could focus on their needs and teaching them. If you all go, Dad holding the baby in the back is a great help. It pains me to hear a baby crying at a wedding. I’ve held one on the porch until the service is over. 
Also, If Dad sits on one end and Mom on the other. The kids are locked in and can’t be flipping off the pew where mom can’t reach. {yours may not do this, but mine have}
One important thing! I EAT before I go and don’t expect to be able to enjoy the food. I learned this the hard way. Then I’m more likely to have a better attitude and avoid self pity.
Hope you take pictures and let us peak at your ladies in training!
I am glad you wrote this post…both for the reminder that I can have success in this arena & to hear someone else say “yes!” This is a worthy cause! I sometimes feel overcome when @ this task, as I am directing three young wiggle-boys whilst so many kids are permitted to run amuck on the side lines. I will press on…it offers honor & respect to the vip’s, my boys & their company. Thanks for the encouragement…and great job!
Be encouraged, you’re not alone. Many a mom through the ages have wrestled little boys into sitting positions and held them with a strong arm in order to instill social graces. The road to civil behavior is a rough one, especially for mom. But, boy does it pay off! To have gracious, strong, polite young men is a goal worth pursuing! At times, I have taken the oldest and left the younger in order to focus on they’re training. This usually comes with a reward – like ice cream on the way home.
You gotta keep the fun in the mix.
Just a reminder – your work is not in vain. Your daughter in law will thank you someday!
I struggled to teach my boys social graces when their father wasn’t really on board. I kept at it anyway. Then last month my husband ran off a copy of “A Man’s Guide to Dining Etiquette and Proper Table Manners” from artofmanliness.com and gave it to my oldest son. I was shocked! Seems the article made my husband realize that social graces are a desireable thing. You’re a good mom to teach your children manners. From the comments above, I’d love to meet your bunch.
Thanks for the sweet comment.
Thank you for your gracious reply and link! There’s only so much one can say in a single blog post. I meant to imply exactly what you said! It’s often the mother’s idea, dream and job to instill these manners. We don’t live in a perfect world. If our husband doesn’t have a conviction in this area, we still can. Strong, loving mothers have shaped the history of the world, as well as valiant men. Social graces can be instilled with a spirit of cooperation in marriage. Isn’t that a ‘social grace’ in and of itself? Husbands can be honored and even come along side as they desire. Hence, your example!
I’m also a Southern girl, and love those manners – especially in young men