Tim and I were given a trip for our anniversary. 31 years of marriage – a cruise to Mexico, our first. We longed for the time away – far away from everything. We needed space after a few years of crowded life – we needed to breathe and absorb the realities of life together.
Therapeutic ~ this trip would be.
But, when you get still and alone for a length of time the past follows you there.
Memories lapped against the ship in rhythmic form. Regrets, like debris, found their way to the forefront of my mind. Tale-tale signs of being anchored to the past. I had no idea they laid dormant underneath.
Once on the open sea, random debris washed up in the wake of our vessel. Ocean foam, inertia energized our journey.
Our cabin opened up to a small deck we enjoyed all to ourselves. This became my favorite place. Watching the roar of the ocean beneath the vastness of sky and sea – I felt small.
Unforgiven hurts – details of random events followed me there. This was supposed to be a time to celebrate. But God had unfinished business. It took be 2 days to fully relax.
I didn’t choose what came to the surface – ghosts of the past. But I did choose what to do with them.
Ports 0′ call – there came a man’s voice over the ship’s intercom speaking right into our room. Giving instructions on trash removal he ended his spill with the disclaimer;
“International law allows trash to be dumped at sea.”
I smiled and proceeded to dump all my cares. Perceived wrongdoings, each scene from the past that surfaced life’s unprocessed debris were dumped into the sea of forgetfulness.
I felt clean and tired all at the same time. Sleep came easily and food digested well. A measure of healing came that I didn’t realize I needed. Intense sunbathing, ocean air and romantic meals together made it all the better.
I’ll never forget this visual. The small deck, random debris out of nowhere surfacing next to the towering vessel at high speed, racing to rest. And rest we did. The physical kind and the spiritual kind all in sync.
Who is a God like You? Pardoning iniquity …
… You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:18-19